Passengers Would Be Required To Help With Ramp Chores

ANN April 1 Special Edition (Parody)

As the race to the bottom for low-cost airfares continues, several major airlines are reportedly eyeing fares so low that passengers will have to help out with operations before boarding the plane.

Under the scheme forwarded to ANN in an email from WikiLeaks, passengers who can pass a background check would be eligible for the fares. When they book the fare, they will be sent a schedule of duties to be performed before boarding the plane. They would range from assisting with baggage loading to directing other passengers to the next available agent during check-in. Passengers with flexibility in their travel schedule might also be assigned to pull chocks on one airplane before boarding the next flight to their destination.

Once they have arrived at their final destination, passengers would be allowed to deplane first to assist with the loading of baggage before claiming their own.

According to an unnamed source at Airlines For America, the scheme represents a win-win for passengers and carriers. “They’ll pay us for the privilege of doing work we now pay big bucks for at airports,” the source said. Meanwhile, they get to fly for less, and may build skills they can take into the market down the road.”

Unions were, no unexpectedly, opposed to the plan. “We’d need to organize everyone who boarded a plane. Some of them might be anti-union,” said one union source who spoke on the condition of anonymity. "This is a bad,bad,bad, bad idea."

A TSA representative not authorized to speak to the media told ANN that the agency is salivating over creating several more layers of bureaucracy to deal with the background checks, but the agency has not released any official statement.

FMI: www.tsa.gov