Aircraft Configuration Becomes Political Issue

As the 2004 presidential campaign continues into what promises to be a long, hot political summer, the American symbol of peace and democracy has become something of a hot-button item. At issue: the Bush administration's plans to reconfigure the aircraft.

"I believe the aircraft should reflect the president," said Chief of Staff Andrew Card. "Therefore, we're researching the installation of a second right wing."

The Boeing Company, maker of the highly-modified 747-200B, confirmed this week that it is expending a great deal of the company's resources toward making the president's request a reality.

"We figure it this way," said Boeing CEO Harry Stonecipher. "We've been up to our necks with scandals. Kissing up to the administration by reconfiguring Air Force One to fly with two right wings might just get us out of dutch with the White House. Better that than seeing the tanker deal go to Airbus."

White House sources say the president's men came up with the plan after learning that Massachusetts Senator John Kerry, planned to trade the blue and white Air Force One for something a little sportier and a little cheaper to fly. "We had been thinking about an Aeronca Champ," admitted one source inside the Democratic candidate's organization.

"John Kerry is wrong on jobs, wrong on defense and wrong on Air Force One," said GOP consultant Scott Reed.

Is the idea of flying with two right wings practical? "You know, only a treasonous, snot-nosed liberal would ask a question like that," said Reed. "The real question is whether the airplane really needs a left wing at all."

"We're looking into that as well," confirmed Boeing spokesman Tom Brantman.

FMI: www.boeing.com/defense-space/military/af1/flash.html