Radio Talk Show Hosts Parachuted Into Iraq

Shock-jock Howard Stern and radio's right wingnut, Rush Limbaugh, were secretely parachuted into Iraq early this week, military sources tell ANN. The decision to send both radio personalities into the war-torn country was made at the highest levels of the Pentagon and the FCC.

"We tried to get Bubba the Love Sponge on this mission as well," said USAF Col. Jack Whiting, who was in charge of the secret airdrop. "But he's yesterday's news. Nobody hears him anymore," after Clear Channel Radio pulled Bubba from its stations and paid at $750,000 obscenity fine to the FCC.

Limbaugh and Stern were picked up at their respective studios in New York without prior notice and escorted to waiting military vehicles for an immediate trip to the airport. There, they boarded a charter flight for Kuwait.

"Hey, baby," Stern said to a flight attendant, "show us what you're hiding under that uniform." Stern was immediately maced, bound to his seat and gagged.

"What are you laughing at, round boy?" a soldier asked Limbaugh, who was guffawing uncontrollably at Stern's predicament. Witnesses say Limbaugh then popped a half-dozen pills in his mouth, took a swig of water and promptly passed out for the remainder of the 17-hour flight.

Once in-country, Stern and Limbaugh were taken aboard a C-130 "Commando Solo" flight over the so-called Sunni Triangle, where unrest has been a sore spot for the American-led coalition.

They took turns speaking to Iraqis from the flying radio stations.

"What's with burkas?" asked Stern, addressing the microphone. "I mean, do women really wear anything at all underneath them?"

Stern was then encouraged to make a HALO jump from the aircraft by two burly enlisted crew members who literally threw his scrawny ass out of the plane. He landed near the Iraqi flashpoint town of Tikrit, Saddam Hussein's birthplace.

Upon landing, Stern asked the first woman he saw if she would show him her breasts. He was immediately stoned to death by an angry mob.

Limbaugh made a similar HALO jump, landing in Fallujah.

"Nope," he said to a reporter there, popping six 20mg tablets of Oxycontin into his mouth, "didn't feel a thing. I'm just so happy to be among these godless creatures. Anybody want a Xanax?"

Limbaugh hasn't been seen since.

FMI: www.clearchannel.com