Content Provided By Airport Full-Body Scanners

ANN April 1st Special Edition: TSA announced Friday that it is launching a premium cable and satellite channel comprised of full body scan images from the nation's airports. The move was immediately slammed by civil liberty groups across the country.

"When we were initially approached by the cable and satellite industry, we had no intention of saying yes, but budgets are impossibly tight," said TSA Administrator John Pistole. "When we looked around the Internet and saw how much people pay to see other people naked, we realized we have the perfect content stream. It's anonymous, vague, and free. People don't even have to sign waivers because you never see their faces."

When asked at the news conference about the promise that the images could not be saved, stored, or transferred, Pistole just looked at the reporter, cocked his head, and said "Really ....?"

 
TSA Administrator John Pistole

The announcement was met with expected outrage from civil libertarian and other advocacy groups. The ACLU issued a statement saying it would oppose the move "in the strongest possible terms," and was already exploring a lawsuit against the government to block the channel's launch. Kate Hanni, president of FlyersRights.org, said it was bad enough that people had to suffer the scanning, but to have the scans broadcast was beyond outrageous. "This will not stand," Hanni said. "First of all, because of the demographics of people who would pay for such a channel, it means a disproportionate number of women will be selected for enhanced screening, and then mostly the attractive ones." When told that Pistole said that agents would be trained not to profile in the random screening process for any specific factor, Hanni looked at the reporter and said "Really ...?"

Kate Hanni

The channel's producers said they had originally asked TSA for permission to have security camera video capturing the enhanced pat downs as well, promising to blur out the faces of those being checked. One executive said the administrator considered it for a moment, then looked at the pitch panel and said "Really ...?"

"He actually thought about it, particularly when we offered to sweeten the pot with additional cash for the security camera video," said producer Ivanhoe Scrooples. "But at the end of the day, even TSA realized there was a line that should not be crossed." Scrooples said the channel would be launching on most major cable and satellite services within a few months.

FMI: www.ivanhoescrooplesproductions.com