Integrity Turns Costly For California Ambulance-Chaser

04.01.05 Special Edition: A momentary burst of integrity turned sour for Rio Linda, CA, plaintiff's attorney Sheckwell Shapiro when he declined participation in a massive lawsuit, only to be sanctioned by the American and California Bar Associations. The prospective client was a seventh cousin of 9/11 terrorist leader Mohammed Atta, and he charges that even though Atta slammed an American Airlines Boeing 767 into the North Tower of the World Trade Centers, he shouldn't have died. "It's all Boeing's fault," Mohammed al Munbat reportedly said. "They should have paid more attention to crashworthiness."

"You simply don't have a case here," Shapiro advised his would-be client. "You can't win, you're going to face a jury as an enemy foreigner and a reminder of one of the most evil guys in the history of Earth." Munbat replied by denying any connection to George W. Bush and insisted that, that foreigner or not, he was registered as a Democrat in King County, Washington. "They send the absentee ballots right to the madrassa," he said. "They sent me extra this year for all the boys. I'm a *better* American than all you losers who only voted once."

Despite these arguments, Shapiro still did not accept Munbat as a client.

"It is sad that the infidel son of pigs and dogs can't see me as a human being," Munbat said, "when I've been personally completely reasonable. But what else can you expect from one of them? These swine are just prejudiced against the religion of peace, may Allah cut their heads off."

The Bar Associations agreed, suspending Shapiro's license for sixty days. "I can do nothing about it," Shapiro fumed. "There's about as much due process as with an FAA suspension -- zip."

Thirty-six other attorneys and law firms have offered their services to Munbat. "Case, schmace," said noted aviation attorney Ozzy Zannacucci.

"If you have a good enough lawyer, who needs a case?" Zannacucci said that if selected to pursue the Munbat suit, he would not only sue Boeing, but General Electric, Parker Hannifin, Halliburton, and the Federal government.

Asked what the Federal government's connection to the case was, or Halliburton's, for that matter, Zannacucci said, "Beats me. But they have lots of money."

The American Criminal Lovers' Union (ACLU) has also supported Munbat. "It's clearly anti-Muslim prejudice," an ACLU spokesman said.

University of Minnesota law school professor A. Slouch Tweedie IV said that, while the ignorant members of the public call such lawsuits frivolous, it is simply their incomplete understanding of the Constitution at work. "The real purpose of the constitution and the law, I have determined," the professor said, "is to transfer all wealth from those that produce it to those attorneys that can best manipulate the law. That's why the quaint pre-deconstructionist ethics of Shapiro can't be tolerated. He is a class traitor."

Asked for an opinion on the case, a Boeing spokesman said that he could not comment on pending litigation, but defended the safety record of his company's airplanes, especially compared to those of arch-competitor Airbus. "Hey, even crazed hijackers feel safer on our planes," he said, pointing out that all four sets of 9/11 criminals chose Boeing equipment.

FMI: www.aclu.org