Treatments Are Elusive, According To The American Medical Association

ANN April 1 Special Edition

The American Medical Association on April 1 has added UAV Psychosis to its directory of known diseases, giving a name to the paranoia people have developed about unmanned aircraft.

Dr. William Kolber, president of the board of directors of the (other) AMA, announced the addition in a news conference April 1. “As Unmanned Aircraft … drones … become more and more common, we’re seeing a significant spike in cases of people seeking treatment for anxiety associated with the aircraft,” he said. “Mental health care professionals say that many patients report seeing a drone behind every tree, or even hovering in their bedrooms. Of course this is almost always an hallucination, but the fear of being watched by a drone with a camera is very real for these patients.”

Kolber said treatment with normal anxiety protocols has met with only limited success. “Before you know it, people are taking shotguns out in their yards and shooting at imaginary drones … but to them, they are as real as …. THAT ONE OVER THERE!”

The drone covering the news conference quickly darted behind a door.

Dr. Kolber was asked how the proliferation of camera-equipped UAVs is any different that the countless security cameras that people unknowingly encounter every day. “It’s the visibility of the aircraft,” he said. “Those security cameras sneakily hang around quietly and capture untold millions of images every day … but since they don’t move or make noise, they fade into the background. And people are also concerned about the quality of the images that can be captured by drones. Your basic security camera is not exactly 4K HD.”

Kolber said that as UAVs become more a part of the landscape, the syndrome may be self-correcting. “But for now, we have decided to make this a recognizable disorder so that it can be covered under Obamacare … as much as anything is covered under Obamacare,” he said.

Members of the UFO and paranormal communities staged a protest outside AMA headquarters in Chicago during the news conference. A spokesman for the groups who requested anonymity saying he was fearful of abduction said the medical community should recognize them as well. “We’ve been fighting for legitimacy for years, and now these drone guys have come along and grabbed the spotlight. We demand equal treatment from the medical community.”

FMI: www.ama-assn.org