The Bathykolpian Paradox 

In an instance that speaks convincingly to the mutual exclusivity of political-correctness and lightheartedness, a U.S. Air Force KC-135 operating under the call-sign Inmate-72 was identified as Titties by the online flight tracking service FlightRadar24.

U.S. Air Force Central Command spokesman Lieutenant Colonel Michael Hertzog confirmed on Sunday, 18 December 2022 that a KC-135 aerial refueling tanker operating over the Middle East on 16 December broadcast an “inappropriate” call-sign. Notwithstanding Lt. Col. Hertzog’s reticence to trumpet subject call-sign, the online flight tracking service FlightRadar24 tagged the KC-135 to the decidedly racier designation Titties.

“We have confirmed that the KC-135 Stratotanker, official call sign INMATE72, transmitted an inappropriate display name on 16 December,” Hertzog equivocated in an email. “Commanders in the AFCENT [U.S. Air Forces Central Command] chain of command are taking appropriate action to address this behavior which is inconsistent with the high standards of professionalism and airmanship we expect and demand from our aircrew.”

“AFCENT is aware that a tanker operating in the CENTCOM AOR [Central Command Area of Operations] whose actual call-sign is ‘Inmate 72’ is currently being tracked on Flight Radar 24 as call-sign Titties,” Hertzog continued, underscoring the Pentagon’s priorities in a world rife with political tensions and 14 active wars. “The cause is unknown at present,” Hertzog concluded, “but AFCENT and 379 AEW [379th Air Expeditionary Wing] are investigating.”

Responding to reports of unsanctioned, high-flying, fuel-laden Titties, Flightradar24 spokesman Ian Petchenik informed news outlets that the unconventional call-sign had been broadcast from the aircraft itself.

“We displayed it on the service as it came out of the aircraft,” Petchenik asserted. “The aircraft at the time was seen by 94 separate receivers in the area. This isn’t a question other than: that was plugged into the flight computer and that is what came out as the call sign.”

“The long and the short of it is that not only did they broadcast the Titties call sign;” Mr. Petchenik added, “they started with the Boobie call sign and then quickly switched to the Titties call sign, judging by the raw data that we pulled.”

As of Friday afternoon, information pertaining to the KC-135 and its call-signs had been bounced from the FlightRadar24 website. Whether or not the flight-crew allegedly responsible for the stunt will be busted remains to be seen.

News of the incident came little more than a month after USAF officials denied a KC-135 tanker had flown a penis-shaped pattern in the vicinity of a Russian military base in Syria.

“The KC-135 Stratotanker (RAKE71) operating in the Eastern Mediterranean adjusted between multiple different flight tracks during the course of the mission.” So USAF spokesman Captain Ryan Goss declared at the time. “While these adjustments and movements appear to create a vulgar outline, there was no intent by the pilots or the unit to do so.” Goss continued. “As we continue to look into this, USAFE-AFAFRICA, AMC [Air Mobility Command] and the USAF will continue to maintain the highest standards of professionalism and airmanship.”

FMI: www.am.mil