A spokesperson for Galactic Studios Theme Park
announced today that the plans to establish a Klyde Morris land in
their popular Orlando theme park have been cancelled following the
company's first meeting with Wes Oleszewski, author of the popular
aviation cartoon. Director of Galactic Studios project development
Charles U. Farley told ANN that the studio had big plans for the
cartoon but the initial meeting with the cartoonist did not go as
planned.
"We've always wanted to have a section of the park that would
attract folks with an interest in flight." Farley said, "And we
thought that this being the 100th anniversary of flight a cartoon
about aviation would be the thing to have."
The reason why the deal between Galactic Studios and the cartoon
strip's author went down the drain were detailed by Farley who
described the events of the studio's meeting with the
cartoonist.
"The guy's some sort of lunatic!" Farley said, "We'd set up a
nice meeting with a desert tray and cold cuts and everything. Then
just as we began talking all hell broke loose." Farley said that
members of his staff were offering suggestions as to how the Klyde
Morris cartoon character could be modified to be a bit more
politically correct. "Our director of sensitivity, Mr. Derks said
that he was a bit uncomfortable with the colors of the character.
The head is light brown and the middle is darker brown and the
bottom is the darkest brown. He suggested that the character be
changed to just different shades of blue so as to not be offensive
to any group of people. All of a sudden that cartoonist guy growled
something like "Blue eh?" "Ya want blue? I'll show ya' blue!" Then
he dove across the table and grabbed poor Mr. Derks by the
throat!"
Farley stated that when it appeared that the cartoonist intended
to strangle the Galactic Studios employee until Derks himself
turned shades of blue the rest of the employees in the room jumped
in to save their coworker.
"Poor Derks was turning a funny color and making
gagging sounds. Spit and stuff was flying around so my public
relations director grabbed the cartoonist and spun him around.
She's been taking self-defense classes and punched him right in the
mouth, knocking out two teeth. But he just spit them back at her
and smiled showing this big gap in his teeth as he continued to
strangle Derks. Ms. Hollinz fainted dead away. How was she to know
that those teeth weren't real?"
Farley said that the whole altercation came to an end when
studio security showed up.
"I got to a phone and called studio security." Farley said,
"They stormed in right away and one of them zapped that maniac with
a stungun."
Farley said that the cartoonist then released this grip on the
studio's director of sensitivity and fell to the floor of the
boardroom, convulsing and flopping around.
"Every time he'd stop convulsing, my security guards would beat
him like Rodney King and then zap him again with the stungun.
Eventually they were just zapping him to watch him flop around. One
of them offered to lend his stungun to Ms. Hollinz, but she had her
own and it had a full charge on it. She got in her fair share of
zaps before the battery ran down."
Farley stated that the Klyde Morris cartoonist was then escorted
from the property (continuing a fine tradition of such banishments,
first pioneered by ANN's Editor-In-Chief...).
"We put duct tape on his mouth and stuffed him into a big
laundry sack. Then I had some of the boys from our lawn and garden
care staff toss him into the back of a truck and dump him on the
roadside out by Daytona."
When asked if Galactic Studios was still looking
for a cartoon to base their 42.6 million dollar expansion of the
theme park upon he said that they would continue to search for the
right cartoon format. "I guess next time we'll try and go with a
cartoon that is less edgy. Something like Sponge Bob, but actually
funny. It'll be important next time to actually find a cartoonist
who's actually open to suggestion, not to mention being sane."
When contacted by ANN and asked about the incident, Klyde Morris
cartoonist Wes Oleszewski said, "These offers to use and expand my
cartoon strip come along all the time, the results are usually
about the same."
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