All-Plastic Recyclable 'Cruise Ship Of The Skies'

ANN April 1 Special Edition

Boeing on April 1 unveiled their revolutionary new Boeing 7777 aircraft design. This aircraft designation demonstrates the replacement of the single digit of Boeing's famous 7X7 branding with double digits because this new design is considered to be a quantum leap in design, comfort, line maintenance and airline profitability, and hence, the Boeing 7777 moniker.

The technology demonstration is stunning, and Boeing Corporate was quick to acknowledge the contributions made by Boeing Government Operations; Boeing Engineering, Operations and Technology; Boeing Defense, Space and Security departments, along with the U.S. DoD, Area 51 Knowledge Base administrators, DARPA, and other "un-named" entities.  The Boeing 7777 is 100% plastic, including the engines, so it is 100% green and, during and after its service life, is completely recyclable.
 
The Boeing 7777 comprises eight decks of passenger seats, making it the "cruise ship of the skies", seating over six thousand passengers.  It is over one thousand meters in length and requires a runway length of 45,000 feet to lift off.  The landing requirement, stressed Boeing, is only 36,000 feet.  Boeing announced that it has secured Letters of Intent from numerous worldwide airports to construct appropriate runways.
 
This announcement trumps the EADS publicity release concerning the new Airbus 380000, which Boeing officials dismissed as "a lot of zeros" and an airborne 'dinghy' when compared to the 7777. 
 
Boeing has also studied the requirements for human factor performance on the 7777.  "We determined that cabin attendants could not deal with the 900-yard long quadruple aisles.  There simply were not enough marathon or endurance runners to cope with those demands.  So, the cabin service is to be fulfilled by high-speed, user-friendly robots.  These are the brainchild of the Boeing Defense, Space and Security department and their robotics division." said a Boeing representative.

According to an unconfirmed report, the robot attendants have assaulted test passengers that slur their speech or try to pass stolen credit cards.
 
In addition, the 7777 boasts two more upper decks that include an airborne casino with gyro-stabilized roulette wheels and craps tables (yeah, right! - Ed.), a bath house, a sushi/sashimi restaurant and private “massage parlor” rooms.
 
The robot service disclosure further defined the crew configuration:  The initial cockpit crew is envisioned to encompass two pilots and two copilots; one pair is responsible for port-side and the other is tasked with managing the starboard.  There is also a Master Pilot, tasked with overseeing the two pilot pairs. Boeing envisions a Navigation Officer, whose responsibility is not so much as navigation in today's GPS environment, but more to vector smaller aircraft away from this flying behemoth's vortex generator. Six Flight engineers will complement the cockpit crew, two to monitor aircraft systems, with the other four to be tasked with managing the robo-cabin attendants and on-board credit card fraud detection. This latter team is scheduled to be reduced to one Flight Engineer, as robo-attendant and passenger incident bugs are worked out.

In computer simulations, the new Boeing 7777 creates wing tip vortices that result in tornadoes touching ground. Boeing Legal, Boeing Aerodynamics and the NOAA are working on this issue.
 
In tackling line maintenance issues, Boeing has reported that since the aircraft is 100% plastic, so any malfunctioning component, or any that arise on a cockpit crew gripe list, is simply dispatched to the recycle bin. Boeing anticipates an 80% reduction in aircraft annual maintenance costs, a factor that will attract airline operators worldwide.
 
Boeing representatives addressed the regulatory issues during the inaugural press conference. According to Company officials, FAA type approval is a minor issue, overshadowed by land-based jurisdictional concerns. "On the ground", a Company representative shared, "this aircraft is so long that it can cross county, or state, lines. So, the law in the cockpit can be different than that in the aft lavatory." He added "Transporting an illicit controlled substance from seat 7K to the aft lav may be a Federal offence, and warrant an FBI investigation." Boeing reported that it has an active program with several stretch limo companies to address this issue. "You know", a Boeing legal representative said, "They have stretch limousines that are so long that they have Vermont plates on the front, and New Hampshire tags on the rear. This is our precise problem."
 
In closing, Boeing said that the 7777 is not a fast aircraft. "We are not trying to be a huge Concorde."

Boeing declined to reveal their anticipated cruise speed. "The intent is to make to voyage from LAX to Hong Kong comfortable and memorable, with outstanding service, but faster than a cruise ship." At the same time, Boeing wants operators to make a boatload of money on every seat sold, with lowered maintenance costs. "In the final analysis" said a Boeing sales representative, "this voyage will be so smooth, so long, so memorable, so boring but so much fun that a typical passenger won't mind paying twenty-eight bucks for a watered-down Bloody Mary, and they will order them by the bucketload. That's liquid profit for operators."

FMI: www.boeing.com