Tue, Aug 28, 2007
They're Here To Help!
Purely as a public
service to our nation's airlines, on Monday the Alliance for
Aviation Across America told ANN it has created an "Airline CEO
Labor Day Delay Excuse Checklist" to prepare passengers for what
the group says will likely be "some of the excuses on delays that
you can expect to hear from the commercial airlines this upcoming
Labor Day weekend.
"As airline delays increase, you need to know who you can use as
a scapegoat so you can avoid taking responsibility for your own
over-scheduling procedures, which even the DOT says are the
second-leading cause of delays," the Alliance helpfully adds.
Below is the handy list of excuses the Alliance says airlines
can use. In fact, as ANN reported this weekend,
US carriers have already began using a few of these, to prepare
passengers for the probable worst...
-
Blame the weather (i.e.
too hot, cold, rainy, windy, sunny, etc.)
- Blame a computer (After all, one laptop controls all flights at
each airport.)
- Blame airports (Be sure to remind everyone that when you
over-schedule, they should build more gates.)
- Blame runways (They should accommodate you when you schedule 58
departures in an hour.)
- Blame pilots (They should be glad they still have jobs.
Everyone else got laid off.)
- Blame private planes (Try this game: Have the passengers try to
spot one private plane during their 5 hour wait on the tarmac.
Hint: since private planes rarely use your crowded hub airports,
they will be playing for hours and will never see one. It's also a
good way to keep them too busy to realize that you didn’t
provide them with food.)
"Remember: you are trying to get Congress to allot all of us a
tax break!" the Alliance helpfully reminds the airlines. "You want
to make sure that you disregard all responsibility for any of the
following:
- "Our policies of pushing all of our flights into the largest
and most congested hubs. Whatever you do, avoid the phrase
"hub-and-spoke system."
- "Poor customer service.
- "Laying off thousands of employees and cutting pensions while
giving upper management millions in bonuses, benefits, and
increased pay."
"Don't let the airlines keep using the same excuses!" the
Alliance implores passengers. "Make them take responsibility for
their own mismanagement!"
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