Sat, Apr 01, 2006
04.01.06 'Special'
Edition: In yet another example of a GA manufacturer being
implicated as liable for just about anything, the National Enquirer
is suing Cirrus Aircraft for alienation of affection on behalf of
movie star Jennifer Aniston.
Believe it or not, the claimants assert that Angelina
Jolie's ownership of an SR22 is ultimately responsible for the
breakup of Aniston and Pitt's marriage.
According to a spokesman for the National Enquirer, "Cirrus
produces a reliable, efficient product that has given Ms. Jolie a
feeling of freedom and empowerment. We feel this freedom has
affected other areas of her life and empowered her to take on
even greater challenges (such as Mr. Pitt)."
"Obviously, this sense of empowerment and freedom makes
Cirrus culpable for the breakup of Mr. Pitt and Ms. Aniston.
Unless Cirrus changes to outdated, uninspired designs we will
litigate them out of existence."
"Out of our long-term concern for the health and welfare of of
our good friend, Ms. Aniston, suing the home-wrecking airplane
company responsible for this travesty seemed the only Christian
thing to do," added the Enquirer Spokesperson.
Cirrus Design's Alan Klapmeier, responding to the suit publicly
(after enduring nearly an hour of non-stop laughter), and against
the advice of counsel noted that, "we've had to deal with some
really ridiculous lawsuits over the years... and this is certainly
one of them, but if I have to get blamed for something, this one is
pretty cool. Regardless, we will defend ourselves vigorously and
none-the-less invite Ms. Jolie to come by Duluth and get a gander
at our new personal jet... if she was so 'empowered' by the SR22,
this new aircraft should get us blamed for much, much
more."
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