Fri, Apr 01, 2011
Recently-Declassified Documents Reveal The Existence Of
Aluminum-Eating Termites
ANN April 1st Special Edition:
Recently-declassified government documents and photos reveal the
rumors of aluminum eating termites (aka almites) are true. The
aluminum termite is a mutation of a common termite seen all around
the world. Bacteria in the digestive tract of the almite live off
of aluminum oxides and secrete enzymes and nutrients essential to
the almites survival.
Air Force Almite Experiment
Almites were first discovered in the 1920's as aircraft
manufacturers were changing from the venerable 4130 chromoly tubing
to the 20 series aluminum. Quick to discover the problem,
scientists at the NACA and industry quickly developed coated
aluminum (Alclad) that was resistant to almite attack. The
development of alclad would prove essential to the Allied success
in WWII.
During WW II, Germany was working on a Large Strategic Bomber
(LSB) similar in size to the B-29. British commandos, working with
the French Resistance, were able to places amites in the tails of
the two LSB prototypes. The resulting unexplained crashes caused
Hitler to kill the program (along with the company's chief
engineer). Almites were also placed on several HE-111's, to
devastatingly good effect.
HE-111 Destroyed By Almites
In the US, fears that the almites would mutate further and
attack alclad caused the military to consider the development of a
large transport to be made completely out of wood. Contrary to
popular belief, the Spruce Goose was not built because of a lack of
aluminum, but because of the fear of contaminated aluminum. Only
Howard Hughes and a small number of chief engineers were fully
aware of the REAL reason behind the HK-1 project.
Almites appear to have a sinister side in industrial espionage.
Some of the US servicemen that worked with the British were rumored
to be working for Boeing at the time that the two early Comets
crashed. Rather than admit to the existence of the almites, the
British agreed to drop the issue in exchange for US propulsion
technologies.
In practice almites are easily taken care of. The feared mutation
of alclad-almites has never happened, and in fact, there is DNA
evidence that it never will. While almites can provide a source of
common corrosion, it is typically found during the required annual
inspection. On the rare occasion that almites are discovered, they
are dismissed as harmless bugs. The FAA is reportedly about to
publish an INfO to address the issue.
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