Bolden: Sale Of NASA To China Is A Good Deal And Opens Space Travel

ANN April 1 Special Edition

A late tweet from First Lady, Michelle Obama’s office captured the attention of crack ANN reporters.  Reading, “Check your next fortune cookie to learn of NASA’s future,” it warranted a deeper dig into what was going on.  ANN contacts in Asia were able to track down NASA’s administrator, Charles Bolden, in Beijing presenting a speech titled, “From Ming to the Moon” to honor China’s contribution to man’s first flight to the moon; it was recently discovered that the Apollo 11 crew was wearing Chinese made socks purchased at Walmart.

Mr. Bolden confirmed that NASA had, through Presidential executive action, been sold to China.  According to Mr. Bolden, “NASA has been sold to China in exchange for a reduction of the U.S. debt now owed to the Peoples Republic.  Mr. Bolden continued, “The U.S. has no current manned space flight capability and China has technology gleaned from around the world that is ready to go.  Additionally, the partnership between Walmart and China insures that the Chinese economy will be able to support America’s space goals with the familiar made in China label.”  Bolden concluded, “Our employees will be pleased by this arrangement that will provide job security and grant terrific discounts at the Panda Express restaurant chain.”

An official Chinese news release added, “Not only will the glorious Peoples Republic be able to capitalize on NASA’s long experience in space, but our cost of information gathering and code cracking associated with obtaining NASA secret files will be greatly reduced.”  NSA officials express similar relief that funds formally being spent to protect high tech secrets can now be diverted to make sure they know what your neighbors are doing.

Recognizing the possible effect on American use of Russian space craft to transport Americans to the ISS, ANN’s Moscow bureau managed to corner Russian President, Vladimir Putin, while bathing nude in the frigid Black Sea.  Mr. Putin responded to our questions about China acquiring NASA with his renowned “winter Olympic smile” and commented, “Russia accepts this news with great expectations.  We have long wanted to update our 1958 Soyuz technology and can now cancel our plans to annex the Kennedy and Houston Space Centers into the Russian Federation.”  Our Moscow reporters’ cell phone went dead shortly after conducting this interview, but Russian officials have assured us that more details are forthcoming.

(Image Created by Nathan Cremisino)

FMI: www.nasa.gov