You Gotta Problem Wit Dat?
For the first time since a hostile takeover led by the Gambini
family, Mob Air Tuesday took to the skies, promising to
revolutionize low-cost passenger flight, "or else."
The flight, scheduled to be flown by former American Airlines
Captain Kevin McCollough, was instead piloted by Nicholas, "Nickie
the Navigator" Napolitano, after he roughly shoved the captain
aside and said, "I'm drivin'." The flight took off approximately
two hours behind schedule.
"Youse got a problem wit' dat?"
Napolitano (right) asked a questioning reporter.
Mob Air executives say they serve a particular clientele. "Yeah,
dat's right. We're a family-oriented airline. To get a ticket, you
gotta be a member of da family," said Napolitano.
Asked if his airline catered to passengers wishing to carry
firearms, Napolitano said, "Well, yeah. Here's da t'ing. Youse
wanna pack heat on our plane, youse gotta be deputized as an air
marshal. We got forms for dat. It costs a little more, but we
figure the added security is worth it."
What about a frequent flier program? "Well," said Napolitano,
"here's da t'ing. If youse don't got da money to fly, we'll loan it
to youse. Da ticket's free, but da vig's 40-percent."
The flight from Newark landed at Miami International Airport
without incident ("We paid big money for dat," said Napolitano.
"Dem mutts in da control tower, they're killin' us!"). Federal
agents waited patiently in the terminal to photograph all
passengers as they deplaned.
"Have a nice freakin' day," Napolitano said as the passengers