Integrity Turns Costly For California Ambulance-Chaser
Edition: A momentary burst of integrity turned sour for
Rio Linda, CA, plaintiff's attorney Sheckwell Shapiro when he
declined participation in a massive lawsuit, only to be sanctioned
by the American and California Bar Associations. The prospective
client was a seventh cousin of 9/11 terrorist leader Mohammed Atta,
and he charges that even though Atta slammed an American Airlines
Boeing 767 into the North Tower of the World Trade Centers, he
shouldn't have died. "It's all Boeing's fault," Mohammed al Munbat
reportedly said. "They should have paid more attention to
"You simply don't have a case here," Shapiro advised his
would-be client. "You can't win, you're going to face a jury as an
enemy foreigner and a reminder of one of the most evil guys in the
history of Earth." Munbat replied by denying any connection to
George W. Bush and insisted that, that foreigner or not, he was
registered as a Democrat in King County, Washington. "They send the
absentee ballots right to the madrassa," he said. "They sent me
extra this year for all the boys. I'm a *better* American than all
you losers who only voted once."
Despite these arguments, Shapiro still did not accept Munbat as
"It is sad that the infidel son of pigs and dogs can't see me as
a human being," Munbat said, "when I've been personally completely
reasonable. But what else can you expect from one of them? These
swine are just prejudiced against the religion of peace, may Allah
cut their heads off."
The Bar Associations agreed, suspending Shapiro's license for
sixty days. "I can do nothing about it," Shapiro fumed. "There's
about as much due process as with an FAA suspension -- zip."
Thirty-six other attorneys and law firms have offered their
services to Munbat. "Case, schmace," said noted aviation attorney
"If you have a good enough lawyer, who needs a case?" Zannacucci
said that if selected to pursue the Munbat suit, he would not only
sue Boeing, but General Electric, Parker Hannifin, Halliburton, and
the Federal government.
Asked what the Federal government's connection to the case was,
or Halliburton's, for that matter, Zannacucci said, "Beats me. But
they have lots of money."
The American Criminal
Lovers' Union (ACLU) has also supported Munbat. "It's clearly
anti-Muslim prejudice," an ACLU spokesman said.
University of Minnesota law school professor A. Slouch Tweedie
IV said that, while the ignorant members of the public call such
lawsuits frivolous, it is simply their incomplete understanding of
the Constitution at work. "The real purpose of the constitution and
the law, I have determined," the professor said, "is to transfer
all wealth from those that produce it to those attorneys that can
best manipulate the law. That's why the quaint
pre-deconstructionist ethics of Shapiro can't be tolerated. He is a
Asked for an opinion on the case, a Boeing spokesman said that
he could not comment on pending litigation, but defended the safety
record of his company's airplanes, especially compared to those of
arch-competitor Airbus. "Hey, even crazed hijackers feel safer on
our planes," he said, pointing out that all four sets of 9/11
criminals chose Boeing equipment.