To Be Used In Pax Evacuation From Frozen AA, JetBlue Aircraft

ANN 04.01.07 SPECIAL EDITION: Both American Airlines and JetBlue have raised their right hands, er, wings, to pledge that passengers who experienced interminable winter weather waits on the tarmac this winter will not have to sit for ten or more hours again next year. (Oy! The toilets!)

As the publicity surrounding those calamities went worldwide and passengers were more than happy to detail their onboard experiences ("The flatulence was terrible!), the airlines are being proactive with the purchase of snowmobiles to evacuate passengers from aircraft, should the need arise, during next year's weather woes.

"We have pledged that this winter's fiascos will not, I repeat, will not happen again. Our passengers deserve more," said one airline representative.

The number of snowmobiles purchased, as well as the manufacturer, has not been disclosed. It was confirmed, however, that no Saint Bernards were acquired by any of the airlines, although one anonymous representative noted that a shot of whiskey might be helpful in such situations.

"I would have paid anything to get off that plane," said one AA Flight 1348 passenger of her December 29, 2006 flight, where she and her fellow pasengers spent eight hours on the tarmac at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport (AUS).

"Although I pledged never to step foot on that airline again, well with these new snowmobiles, that might be fun. A little quirky perhaps, but what a ride to the terminal!"

Airline officials are hoping that the word-of-mouth network will work in their favor this time. (You know, if you're unhappy with the service you tell all of your friends, and they tell their friends …)

"Making this announcement at this time, while there is still snow on the ground in some places, brings the point home that we will not be in the same position as last year," said another airline director. "We hope our passengers will give us another chance. In fact, some may look forward to being delayed on the tarmac just to get that snowmobile ride to the terminal; what a story they can bring home with them!"

FMI: www.snowmobile.org, www.saintbernardclub.org