"Some Folks Simply Can't Be Trained To Deal With The Public"

ANN APRIL 1st "SPECIAL" EDITION: An experimental outreach program with private industry seems to have gone astray as the mammoth Burger King food chain has terminated an agreement with the Transportation Security Administration.

The agreement, announced with great fanfare in late 2007, was designed to soften the image of the TSA by cross-training their personnel in an environment where good solid customer service disciplines were actually taught and practiced.

They chose Burger King for their "solid customer service programs" and had great hopes for the personnel who were to be taught by a leading customer-service-savvy company that 'thrived in close contact with the public.'

"You really understand how to work with the public when they've got an empty, growling stomach... lunchtime is crunchtime at Burger King, and decades of dealing with the public has made us experts in meeting them with smiles, professionalism and solid service," noted BK Spokesperson, Brian Smiley.

The TSA program ran into trouble early on with an initial allotment of 100 trainees who often showed up late, failed to follow instructions, displayed poor grooming practices, unsatisfactory command of the English language, or just plain got lost on the way to the BK training center... and on more than one occasion (two are STILL listed as MIA and have never quite found their way to BKHQ).

"We'd hoped the early results were a fluke but over the course of several months, we came to find that this was, regrettable, the cream of the crop.

"From there it just simply went downhill."

Smiley did his best to put a positive spin on the issue but admitted that, "We may have bitten off more than we can chew with this program. For people to want to be good in the customer service arena, they have to like people -- and to a person, this bunch really didn't."

Burger King attempted to work the program for nearly six months, but finally threw in the towel during a 3 hour closed door meeting with TSA Boss, Kip Hawley, who called the situation, "regrettable... but at least they brought lunch.'

FMI: www.untrainableTSA.gov