Adventures In Retailing

By Rob Finfrock

"Oh sure, there's SpaceShipOne, flybys by everything from F-16s to Ford Tri-Motors, and thousands of other aircraft to see and photograph - but what I really need is a durable, versatile waterless cookware set. "

If you ever find yourself thinking the above, rest assured that the EAA Fly Market has exactly what you need. From three separate vendors, no less.

As a source of items born of both genuine necessity, as well as perhaps somewhat tongue-in-cheek marketing - with a plethora of choices in between -- the Fly Market has become as much of an Oshkosh tradition as camping with your airplane on the North 40.

Strolling down the aisles of this open-air free-for-all on opening day, the variety of items available for purchase both thrilled and, frankly, disturbed me a little bit.

Many of the items available, you would expect to find at an air show such as Oshkosh. Best Buy has a large display on the southwest corner, for example. That is to be expected, as many pilots and planeheads grow notoriously weak kneed in the presence of electronic gadgets.

GE Honda Aero Engines has a booth across from them, showcasing its new line of jet powerplants. Air Parts Inc. has a large tent here, too, and they are one of many vendors selling aircraft parts and related items -including one aircraft parts and salvage operation that advertises there is "more junk in the trailer."

Several vendors specialize in aircraft-related artwork. Art Imports, for example, features polished wood models of several different kinds of aircraft ranging from a high-wing Cessna to a DC-3 to an F117 Nighthawk. These models, imported from Vietnam, are quite stunning to behold.

The same is true for Warbird Windows, displaying beautiful stained-glass panes with many types of aircraft rendered in pastel colors. Wings Fine Arts has many breathtaking aircraft paintings to choose from.

There are also several booths featuring vintage aircraft memorabilia, including authentic period ads and signs. (One of these shops has an old wooden fan box, that you can stand in front of to beat the heat for only "$3 per minute after first 60 seconds," according to a nearby sign.)

Several T-Shirt shops are onsite, too, and chances are that if you can't find a shirt with your favorite airplane on it, you can have it made promptly. If you are tired and aching from traipsing down the flight lines, you can stop in at the Medi Rub 2000 Plus booth to get your feet and lower back revitalized.

So far, so good -- but from here, things start to get a bit surreal.

Besides the aforementioned cookware (who knew that pilots enjoyed cooking so much?) there is also a booth where you can purchase stick-on "bullet holes." These are just the thing to add that air of Warbird authenticity to your L-19, or for that matter your Cirrus.

There are several varieties of "miracle glue" available, and multiple towel-like materials for sale ranging from the Wonder Cloth to the Super Shammy. One vendor advertises the "Ultimate Ladder--- 17 ladders in one!" alongside a promotional video that states it is merely 8 ladders in one. However many ladders it may be, the Ultimate Ladder can be yours for $90.

And ask yourself this, Aero-News readers: what Oshkosh experience would be complete without taking home a pair of Skyscraper Heels?  Several different styles of these brightly decorated shoes are available. All of them look pretty much like you'd expect them to look.

Whether you're in the market for parts for your Cessna, a towel to dry it off with, or a set of styling shoes that will get you into the swankiest FBOs out there, odds are you will be able to find it at the EAA Fly Market, located just northwest of AeroShell Square.   

FMI: www.airventure.org