By ANN Contributor Cody McCormick

The TSA today (appropriately enough), in a move that surprised no one, set up an airport security screening site on Jomax Road just 50 feet west of Cave Creek Road in Phoenix, AZ.

According to the TSA's fearless leader, pensioned Coast Guard Admiral James Loy, this site was chosen as a TSA test site due to the fact that that the TSA can catch American terrorists that operate both "Lighter-than-air thermally controlled stealth bombers" and an "Iraqi-funded UAV terrorist training base."

In the first four hours of operation, the TSA screeners confiscated 18 tanks of  propane, 9 hot-air balloon propane burners, 78 gallons of model airplane fuel, 124 modeling knives, 258 model airplane propellers, an undetermined number of straight pins and 96 two ounce bottles of cyanoacrylate. In the words of an unidentified TSA worker "Anything containing the word 'Cyano' has got to be dangerous!"

One person at the field has been arrested for either being a suspected terrorist or a drug smuggler when he was found to have two orange plastic four-inch bombs filled with talcum powder. The suspect's name is being withheld pending investigation of what he will be convicted, uh… charged with. TSA screeners were also heard singing a song that sounded a bit like something from the Rolling Stones: "I don't need no con-sti-tution, you don't get no res-ti-tution…."

Chemical spill detected...

In an unrelated story at the same location, the EPA is investigating a hazardous chemical spill of what appears to be a mixture of castor oil, methanol and nitro-methane. EPA investigators are also trying determine if this spill is in any way connected to an unauthorized release of propane into the atmosphere at about the same time.

Additionally, a Rural-Metro Rescue crew was dispatched to the site to rescue four TSA workers that had somehow managed to super-glue themselves to a mesquite tree. [Can you say cyanoacrylate?" --CM.]

FMI: www.tsa.gov